Unbelievably, my first post on this blog was dated January 5, 2008. My last printed post blog post was dated Friday, October 13, 2017. Today, encouraged by my son, Torrie, I changed the title of this blog from “Eighteen Years of Pink” to “Twenty three Years of Pink”. I am in awe just writing that! I asked my son’s girlfriend, Chloe, (a voracious reader and writer) to go back to the beginning of my blog and read it and provide me with any feedback that she might have, because for years, I have believed that I have a story worth telling, writing and sharing with others, but have hit a wall as to how to format my story. I have never gone back and read my blog posts after publishing them to the internet. I have always feared that by going back and reading the posts, that I might stir up a hornet’s nest of anxiety and/or depression that I might not be able to remove myself from. However, after this past holiday season, I felt a very strong pull to do exactly that…to go back and read my posts and work through the feelings that may arise from doing so. While reading some of the posts, I actually experienced the opposite of anxiety or depression, I found myself in a place of peace, calm, and mostly, gratitude. Some of the posts seemed to me like they were written by another person. I found myself reading them like I was a complete stranger to my situation, and found myself cheering on this woman! For the first time, I actually had a vision as to how to format the memoir that I have felt compelled to write. I shared my feelings with some friends and family members and was enveloped in love and support to take on this project that has been tugging at my heart and soul.
I wonder where all the time has gone in the past few years. In the past, I begged God to slow down the passing time so that I could savor each moment. But then a very remarkable thing happened - I allowed myself to become a ‘normal’ person. A person that became caught up in life… caught up in things that consumed time and energy. Caught up in things that didn’t revolve around doctors and hospitals. Caught up in life with its ups and downs, peaks and valleys; but things that didn’t revolve around me and my health, but that revolved around normal occurrences that happen to a family of four. ‘Normal’ day to day life, with all of its’ joys and heartbreaks, all of its’ rewards and punishments, all of its’ celebrations and all of its’ misery…. For the past few yeas, even though I have been living with Stg.4 Metastatic Breast Cancer, I have lived life like most of my friends - ‘normal’.
Of course, many things have happened to me over the past few years and a lot does have to do with my health. Fortunately, my cancer has been held at bay, but there has been a lot of deterioration of my overall health, due to having had been on continuous chemotherapy for so many years. My emotional and psychological health has taken the worst beating; I am so thankful that I found the remarkably healing gift of Mindfulness Meditation several years ago.
In the next several posts, I look forward to working backwards… looking back at the past few years and journaling about them. By writing about the experiences I have faced over these past few years, the process allows me to reflect and continue to construct the framework of my memoir. I welcome any and all feedback, comments, questions, etc. I do hope that you will enjoy being an instrumental part of this journey with me.
Happy New Year, again, thank goodness!
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