Hold My hand, Please.

As I write this, it is so early in the morning that my pups don't even want to get up yet and are still upstairs sleeping in their bed. It is dark and quiet, no lights are on at any of my neighbor's homes yet.

Today is 'PET Scan Day' and no, it does not have anything to do with my pups. Today is all about cancer; my cancer, and whether or not it has spread again. If I have it or if I don't.

I have undergone so many of these scans over the past 19 years, yet the anxiety beforehand remains so high. I have had many 'good' scans, but those I hardly remember. It is the two scans that were 'not good' that remain embedded in my memory.

'Kim, the cancer has spread." "Kim, the cancer has spread again.'

Today, however, I am not up so early because of a sleepless night, thank goodness. Being a veteran PET scannee, I have figured out exactly the time I need to wake to sneak in a cup of coffee before the dreaded 'nothing to eat or drink' rule comes into effect. I love coffee.

But more importantly, being up this early affords me the luxury of a quiet and still time to meditate and pray. I am able to settle my anxiousness by asking God to extend His right hand and walk with me this morning. He already knows the outcome of my test and its results, so it is up to me to release my fears and walk in faith no matter what the results are.

It is becoming lighter outside as morning begins to break and my heart feels lighter, too.

 Today, I feel well and strong and that is a miracle in itself. I feel strong enough to march myself confidently into the PET scan room...

As long as I can hold onto God's hand.