Traditions and Transitions

It's a beautiful morning on this 7th day of December; the sun is bright and it will be unseasonably warm again today, in the high 50's. Just like all of the 1st weeks of December in the past, all of the Christmas decorations are up, outside of the house and inside.  The Christmas tree is gorgeous and fills the living room with it's sweet scent. My favorite time of the day, first thing in the morning before anyone (including the pups!) is awake, is spent by the tree enjoying my coffee and prayers.

Unlike years of past, the preparations leading up to this beautiful morning sitting quietly by our tree were different...

I love Christmastime.

I mean I REALLY LOVE Christmastime.

Reflecting back to when I was a young girl, I can remember a few presents that Santa brought: my Victoria doll, Barbies, even my first bottle of perfume in my stocking. Of course, I still have that stocking! But, I remember even more, the 'magicness' of Christmas. Memories of my dad hanging lights outdoors with a staple gun, my mother making my favorite bread (which I have never been able to find a recipe for), decorating our tree - dad would string the lights, mom and my sisters and me would hang the ornaments, then we would all add the tinsel. Miraculously, the big clumps of tinsel that my sisters and I would place, would somehow rearrange to be beautiful and shimmery. The grandparents would come into town with trunks loaded with goodies, pretty dresses for church on Christmas Eve, hanging our stockings before bed, and the impossible: trying to sleep so that Santa could come.

What I cannot remember is how all of that 'magicness' really happened. I don't remember Black Friday or endless grocery shopping. I don't remember stressing about lists and backaches or not enough sleep or not enough time...

My mother and father created Magic.

I cling to these memories because there were not very many Christmases like that. My mother passed away from cancer when she was oh so young in her thirties; I was just 12 and I was the oldest. I don't know if my few memories are from a few Christmases or just one. But they were and are so powerful to me, that they became the cornerstone for my family Christmas traditions. I vaguely remember going to a tree lot to pick out our tree (you can't cut your own tree down in the south!), but we have our funny 'tradition' of going to Home Depot to get our less than $50 tree, and it is always stunning.
Because I suffer from Christmastime Obsessive /Compulsive Disease, I do all of the lights myself, inside and out. Come to think about it, Ken has never complained about that!

In the past few years for our family, one morning there would be no decorations up and then, magic!, that night our house would be aglow. The same phenomena would happen with decorations inside the house, presents being wrapped and just 'appearing' under the tree and cookies would just happen to be on the counter after school.

I, too, created Magic.

But this year, things are different.

As soon as I was told, 'no lifting, pushing, pulling, no ANYTHING over the weight of a gallon of milk', I knew that this would have a major impact on how I prepared for the holidays. (Plural, because I go all out for all of them) The number one struggle that I have both physically and emotionally now, is having to ask for, and wait for, help. I have prayed continuously for patience and to be compassionate with myself, but it is soooo difficult.

With these new limitations and a wound that has not even healed yet in my abdomen, decorating this year would be different. Thank goodness I have been practicing Mindfulness Meditation intensely all these months, to help me become more accepting of change and limitations.

Since Tessa has been away to college, it has become tradition for our family to make our pilgrimage to Home Depot the day before Thanksgiving to get our tree and set it in water until Friday, so that Tessa could help decorate it before going back to school. This year, on the day before Thanksgiving, Ken and Torrie were given tickets to the Ohio State vs. Michigan game for that weekend, so even our new tradition would be altered. I was thrilled for Torrie and Ken (Ohio State won, yay!!) to have the opportunity to go, and my 'Christmas Magic Maker in the making', Tessa, was eager to spend the weekend alone with me (Thank you, God) decorating.

Home Depot Tree 2015!

She carried the buckets of Christmas ornaments up from the basement and together on Friday night, we decorated the tree; I still did the lights though. Saturday, she carried up the buckets of house decorations and we set about our duty. What used to be a solitary job for me, was now being shared. Tessa and I talked about the decorations, piece by piece. Where did it come from? Who gave that to us? Do you remember where that goes?, etc. The thing that I had prayed so hard for, acceptance, was coming to fruition right in front of me. I delighted in being centered, in being present in the moment with Tessa, in being mindful. A beautiful experience was capped off by a wonderful dinner, just the two of us, in a small booth, in a crowded restaurant; enjoying each other.

My new, wonderful Christmas memory.

Magic.

Tessa 2015