I'm Singing In The Rain - Not!!

As I sit here, I can hear the rain through the screen door gently tapping on the patio. The sounds make me think of the saying ' Into every life a little rain must fall". At this moment, that particular saying really annoys me. I have had a little rain fall into my life today. Actually, a lot of rain. In fact, a deluge of rain fell into my life today.

(The following passage is a rather graphic description of a medical issue I am dealing with. It may be a little too much for some readers, but hey, I'm the one that has to live with the embarrassment when I see you!)

Last year, after my "really big hernia repair, that compared to the one coming up will look like a facial" surgery, for some yet to be explained reason, I completely lost the ability to urinate on my own. No matter how hard I tried, nothing. It resulted in having to self-catheter many times a day. For me, this was awful. I have self-diagnosed bathroom OCD and am a self proclaimed germaphobe as well. Not a good combination. Portapotties and I have never gotten along. Now to maybe have to use a portapotty to self-catheter?!? Bring on the Xanax...

Thank goodness the problem corrected itself after a few months. Fast forward to March 2015. My problem has returned. My Oncologist directted me to Yale's finest female (no explanation for gender needed, right?) Urologist. I have undergone several not so fun tests trying to determine the cause of my problem. The fascia that is dissolving in my abdomen that is permitting all of the hernias to form, is also dissolving around the bladder, resulting in two additional hernias in the pelvic floor. In total, I have 7 new hernias since last May, and now an Immunologist/Oncologist has been recruited for my team.  I will soon have jerseys printed for them reflecting our team name: Gang Green. tee hee.

The last test today, however, proved that my inability to urinate is not a hernia related problem. It is a nerve/neuropathy issue, that in all likelihood, is permanent. Ouch. Dr. m. stated it perfectly: "The chemotherapy over all of these years that has saved your life, is now jepordizing your life".

So today was a pretty, not-so-good day. While Dr. M. was trying to explain all of this to Ken, an iron band seemed to place itself on my head and then begin to tighten. On the drive home, I just shut my eyes and tried to shut up the chatter in my head. At home, I went and laid down and began to put all of my new relaxation methods to work. Amazingly, I felt much better within the hour.

So a lot of rain fell into my life today. Rain is needed for growth. Rain is needed for strength. And rain is needed to make me flourish. I received some really bad news, sat with it, meditated on it and made peace with it. Does that mean I am not totally pissed off (ha!)? Of course not. But it does not have to make me bitter or whine and pout. How much fun is that to be around? No, it makes me find all of the inner strength that I receive from God and march forward.

Into the rain.

With my pink umbrella.