On Wednesday evening, around dinner time, it hit: The Shivers; my kids' term for a fever. No other symptoms, just a fever. It started with a warm feeling around my ears. I haven't had a good fever in quite a while (thank goodness), but as soon as it started, I knew I was in trouble. I could almost feel the fever make a path through me like some little bug. My throat felt tighter, then my shoulders and back began to ache - time for bed. Too bad it was only 5:30 p.m. because it was going to be a long night.
I tried to sleep but everything hurt. I was freezing (I'm never freezing) so I put a heating pad in the bed with me. Then I was so hot that every blanket was kicked off and I wanted a cool rag and a drink of water but was too achy to get up and get them. So went the night. I fell into that weird fever sleep where dreams are so strange yet so real you wonder if you are asleep or awake. Finally morning came. Ken had to be gone early so it was up to me to get the kids ready and off to school. I kept telling myself to hang in there, that once they were at school I could lay back down. I drove them both to school in my pajamas. I had to call in sick to my great little job at Toy Chest - I hate to have to do that. I plopped down on the sofa and fell asleep - for 3 hours. It's been a long time since I've fallen asleep on the sofa for 3 hours. I was awakened by Ken calling to ask how I was feeling. Poor guy, he gets in trouble for calling to see how I'm feeling, yet he also would have gotten in trouble for not calling to see how I was feeling.
I got up and took some ibuprofen and drank about ten gallons of water. I clicked on the TV and tried to find something to watch that did not require any effort to understand, as my brain felt like it had been cooked. After a couple of hours, I actually started to feel a bit better. I don't know if it was the ibuprofen, the water, or all of the "Please God let me live through this" prayers, but I was on the mend.
While flipping TV stations, I landed on the Eleen DeGeneres show. I love Ellen - she cracks me up with all of her dancing, jokes and hilarious Internet videos. I don't watch her show that often though because it's on at the same time as Oprah - enough said. Ellen's first guest was Dr. Wayne Dyer. He is a very interesting man who was written many books on how to have a happy life. I have seen him in the past on PBS and enjoyed him. He was on The Ellen Show to promote his new book "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living The Wisdom Of Tao". He was very dynamic and inspiring. He talked quite a bit about how we are constantly on the move, zooming through our lives and not taking time to live 'in the moment' and appreciate what we have right now as it is. He said that in the storms of our lives, like in real storms, there is a calm place - or peace - we just have to find it. One of the first ways to find this peace is to look at our 'storm' and try to find the good in it. I thought about having cancer and what some of the good/blessings are that have come from it. Here are some of my thoughts:
Some things I am grateful for, or have a new appreciation of, since having cancer:
- The unconditional, over-the-top, friendship I have with Julie H.
- A good nights' sleep
- My bean bag pillow from Donna D.
- Prepared meals
- The shawl Ellen H. made for me
- Play dates and carpools while I was on heavy chemo
- My dachshunds
- My crockpot
- My garden in the spring
- Exploring my garden in the spring with Tessa and Torrie to see life blooming
- A clean house (not cleaned by me)
- Helen's homemade soup
- A good belly laugh
- My fireplace
- Judy and Bob M. for their constant love, prayers and friendship
- Hour(s) long phone chats with my sister Tricia
- Ken (these are not in order of preference!)
- A great recipe
- My books
- Andre Bocelli
- "Just Because" cards from Kara F.
Some experiences I have had because of having cancer:
- Renewed relationship with my faith
- The healing waters of Lourdes, France compliments of my wonderful friends and family
- Met Nancy Brinker (Susan G. Komen's sister)
- Ran the Walt Disney World marathon in less than 5 hours
- Saw Oprah
- Invited to Miraval Spa in Arizona
- Walked 60 miles
- Invited to Vice President Al Gore's home
- Learned to knit
- Met Bill Rodgers, Ann Curry and Paula Poundstone
- Got to drop a puck to start a hockey game
- Spent an hour with 'The Horse Whisperer'
Some lessons I have learned from having cancer:
- Never be too busy to cook a meal for someone who is ill.
- There IS a difference between an expensive bra and an inexpensive one.
- A wig can burn if too close to heat.
- You can eliminate at least 2 aisles at the grocery store after having a hysterectomy.
- There is no such thing as a 'painless' procedure.
- There are more uses for duct tape than you think.
- 'Chemo Brain' is real.
- 60 seconds of being angry is 1 minute of missed happiness.
- My body is tough.
- My will is tougher.
There are so many people that I have met that I never would have met if cancer had not come into my life. There are so many acts of kindness that were performed for me and my family by complete strangers. We have been the recipients of great love because of my cancer. There has always been calm in my 'storm', sometimes I just let the clouds get too thick to find it. Of course, these are just a few of my things to be grateful for, the rest are stored in my heart and soul for me to savor.
KG
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